Episode 15

I often say (mostly to myself) that I’m trying to balance poetry and philosophy.

But I realize that I’m actually trying to balance art and conspiracy theory.

Art requires submission to fate - at least enough for the artist to express reflection on subjugation while rendering the suffering aesthetic.

I’m talking about art now, not popular culture. Popular culture decorates power dynamics: attraction, wealth, self destruction, etc…

In conspiracy theory, submission to power is diminished by wondering (to quote a Pink Floyd song) “which of the buggers to blame”.

In philosophy, (true philosophy, not the mental drivel of automatons) the final boss bugger is Matter. Matter itself is the problem.

Let’s be grateful to the gods for granting us this chance to experience material existence - because it gives us cosmic perspective. That being said, there still are some buggers to blame.

I was once poised to be a celebrated artist. Back when I believed that my mother died from a “virus” she caught during a promiscuous drug addict phase.

My Father was a bit of a conspiracy theorist, though he wouldn’t call himself one because he eschewed labels.

He mostly blamed interdimensional aliens and demons for the unjust state of the world. I think he had to assign the archons a supernatural tier, because if he’d ever settled on regular human beings being the culprits of such cruelty, he would’ve sought physical revenge.

I understand that. I get disappointed in myself that I’m so easily cajoled, so easily distracted. I don’t want to go to prison. I don’t want to die yet, there’s things I still wanna do, etc…

I’m not gonna sacrifice my life, so I soothe myself with a belief in cosmic justice.

The archons think they’re slick though. They believe they can sidestep karma by using propaganda to get us to slaughter / enslave ourselves.

Some of them don’t even care, they just outright wage war and indiscriminately bomb civilians. Those must be the ones who don’t believe in an afterlife whatsoever, otherwise…

When I was standing in the kitchen earlier, I thought it was gonna come so easily, this theme, this idea that there’s a distinct division between art and conspiracy theory.

It’s hard to know who I’d be in a world without psychopathic archons. In this world with them, I seem to be a bum, for the most part. I know the words to many songs. I can remember lots of meaningless trivia. I’m still pretty funny in real life.

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Now that I’m back at the dojo, I find myself not wanting to publish anything I wrote during my “hiatus”.

I don’t want to come across as a full-blown conspiracy theorist because I’m still capable of seeing that the world continues despite the sinister designs of psychopathic technocratic overlords.

I don’t want to spend ALL of my time trying to figure out who these overlords are specifically because then what? What would I do?

I can almost be content with knowing that they’re simply living in a false paradigm and if they’re consciously committing acts of cruelty and pollution, they’ll be punished in the afterlife.

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I should write more about animals.

For instance, I saw this piece on Reuter’s (which I watch because I like to get pure grade propaganda) about neurological studies done on dogs recently that shows them to be able to distinguish one object from another in their minds.

No shit.

I once had a dog named Lady. She knew the difference between her toys. If I said, “Lady, get the frog” she’d bring me the frog. If I said, “Lady, get the soccer ball” She’d bring back the soccer ball.

I didn’t have to hook her up with electrodes - or whatever the fuck they do - to measure her brainwaves in order to know that she formed images in her mind of what I was saying and then behaved accordingly - when she wanted to.

Poor Lady. I wish I would’ve known what I know now about the poisonous commercial “dog food” we were feeding her…

I can’t think about it now or I’ll cry.

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My won't power is stronger than my will power.

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I feel like “Gnosticism” is a psyop, but I don’t know if I have the intellectual capacity or energy to ever present my hypothesis as a cogent argument.

My main issue is with the casting of the Demiurge as the author of evil.

The neo-gnostic revival of the 20th century has inspired fetishized schizophrenia.

I don’t think I’ll be able to parse out exactly how it happened, but I can’t ignore the fact that Julian Huxley’s UNESCO funded the scholarship behind the “Nag Hammadi” texts.

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I don’t think I’ve ever read one full page of Aleister Crowley, yet I often find myself listening to podcasts about him.

It’s interesting to me how ‘occult mysticism’ - or whatever you wanna call it - influences art - or whatever you wanna call it.

What is art anyway? An extension of the will, the won’t, the want?

I guess you can concretize symbols and ascribe them supernatural attributes, then you can attract a flock of devotees who think your symbols will grant them powers if they worship them and honor them with sacrifices.

I don’t believe any of that shit.

Oh - I mean - I believe that it works. Psychologically. It’s obvious that our souls are susceptible to material attachment. Who could blame them? Life is hard. Death is scary.

Some artists use mystical symbolism to accrue material wealth - but the gods are watching.

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Max Azzarello.

I’m breaking one of my rules and writing someone’s name here.

Max Azzarello is the guy who set himself on fire outside the NYC courthouse where - supposedly - Trump is on trial.

I’m writing his name here so that his immolation won’t be totally in vain.

At least in the year 2116 (when my writing will be popular) he’ll be remembered.

I don’t know much about him - only what impressions I’ve gleaned from “the media”.

I read some of his substack.

Most of what he wrote is true, but “the media” portrayed him as a “crazy conspiracy theorist” for having the gall to say that the democrats and the republicans are on the same side.

I don’t know all the details about the “crypto currency ponzi scheme” but the economy is definitely manipulated by a parasite class.

And, no, they’re not all Jewish.

Thing is, I feel bad for this guy because I could easily be him. We share a lot in common. “Italian American”, originally from NY. Lived in Florida. Blame capitalism. Feel hopeless.

Fortunately for me, I don’t care enough about other people to die for them. Not for humanity as a whole, at least. My wife, that’s about it.

The media will call him a “wacky nut job”. They’ll probably even paint him as being a “right wing fascist” even though his writing is obviously antifascist.

Nobody even knows what fascist means anymore. Some do, but most people are so deep under the consumptive trance it seems almost dangerous to break the spell.

Fuck ‘em. I’m certainly not gonna die for them.

I probably won’t even sing for them. That depends on my genie. I’m happy just writing prose poems and practicing aikido.

Max’s death was not a psyop - as far as I can tell.

If it was, it would’ve lasted longer in the news cycle. They just called him “crazy” and dropped the story quick.

I feel bad for him because most people don’t even care that they’re cyborgs. They don’t want to face the profundity of existence and the responsibility that comes with self governance.

Know thyself.

I’m one of them. I mean - I’m still here loitering in the bazaar. At the fringe maybe, but still here.

Poor Max burned himself alive and the “kleptocracy” (as he called it), won’t skip a beat, won’t lose a wink of sleep.

The technocracy will still have their little meetings and the cyborgs won’t care to know what’s being discussed as long as they have their phones to watch videos and are able to eat cheap fake salty greasy garbage.

I must be selfish because all I keep thinking about is whether or not I would immolate to draw attention to what I believe to be the truth.

I imagine that this need to know - and share with others - what’s going on - for some of us - is built into our existence. I, for one, want to know what’s going on here - in the universe.

I had to digest all the different myths - scientism included. I had to entertain all the dogmas and heresies - at least as many as I could by age 49 - got an important birthday coming up - next year - Feb 1, 2025, I’ll be 49 - the 7th cycle of my cellular rebirth - let’s see what I become.

I don’t remember where I heard that the first time - that all of our cells are completely new after a period of 7 years, but I was kind of amazed to see that it goes all the way back to Solon.

It definitely makes sense in my own life.

I don’t have time or space to get into all that now, besides this isn’t supposed to be about me. This is supposed to be about Max, the guy who burned himself alive in front a Manhattan Courthouse.

I just wanted to keep his name in print.

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I made the mistake just now of watching a video someone posted on X of the Oct 7th murders in Israel.

I call them murders because that’s what they are. To call them “terrorist attacks” further detaches from what actually happened.

Regardless of who armed these men, regardless of where the money comes from, regardless of which literary characters they believe in, they committed cold blooded murder.

I’m vegan (at the moment) so I may be biased against murder. I guess many people don’t see it as an evil if they can find a reason for it. And maybe I could find reason for murder myself, if, for instance, someone I love was….

Well, you know, revenge. But my revenge would be specific. Not general. Not random, not revenge against an entire people, against the universe, etc…

What I watched just now was like the Manson family on steroids, on motorcycles, with machine guns…

I’m not going to describe the bloodshed, what good would it do? I’d feel gross trying to describe it well. Trying to add literary flourishment to such a depraved situation.

People are fucked up - that’s all I can really say.

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I didn’t leave myself much time to write today.

I was reading ‘Plotinus vs the Gnostics’ again.

I don’t know if it’s my fight. To repudiate gnosticism. As far as I’m concerned all theosophy - all mythology - is gnostic. Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Hellenism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam.

Animism veers gnostic when not properly reigned in by reason.

All creatures are animated by a universal psyche. This universal psyche is beholden to a divine mind which informs it.

Beyond that - the first principle is probably best left unspoken of, since any name it’s given leads to misunderstanding.

Damascius calls it the “ineffable” which I like because in modern vernacular it could be understood also as in-f-able, like you can’t fuck with it. It’s beyond all carnal discourse.

I think “the one” gets a bad rap now - especially because so many people are wary of the “globalist agenda”. They attribute this idea of ‘being one’ to the neoplatonists.

I mean, I just figured it out for myself recently that by “the one”, Plotinus means “the first”. The first attribute that everything shares, incorporeal being included. Being beyond being.

Sometimes I’m petulant and I want to assign my mind to my psyche, but when all is clear and quiet, I realize that intellect is indeed prior. The physical universe needs to be constructed for the soul to inhabit and this is done by design of the divine mind.

Let me call it Nous for now. Nous provides structure for the soul to know itself. But why?

This is merely my opinion but I’d imagine that it comes from desire for artistic expression.